So much to update and so little time… well, I’ve finally found some.
I really should have a look through my blog so I know where I got to in my updates previously… Ah that’s right. I was going to update you every day about my progress in my month of healthy living… I guess that’s as good a place as any to start then eh?
Well, I failed pretty miserably really! I got through to about the 10th. However, it was a pretty hardcore 10 days. Every day, I got up, did 20 sit ups and some press ups (varying in amount depending on when I got up). Each evening, I did another 20 sit ups and some press ups. I drank 250ml of cranberry juice as an anti-oxident every day. I drank whole vegatable soup for lunch, after a healthy breakfast and a full evening meal – being careful not to exceed my 2500 calories per day. In addition to this, I also swam 3 times a week with a good workout at the gym. I didn’t smoke for the 10 days and I didn’t drink either. So, pretty good really. Bloody hell it’s tough though.
Anyhow, I’m back smoking and drinking again. I’m trying to keep the other things going, but I’m failing at the moment. It’s been a really horrible June and one I’m prepared to forget the second that it finishes;
To start with – I’m finding work really tough at the moment. It’s not that it’s changing particularly, or things are any harder than they probably have been previously. It’s just that I’m really struggling. I’m struggling to wake up of a morning. I’m struggling to stay awake throughout the day. I’m struggling with talking about the same problems in every call. I’m struggling with pretty much everything. I’m basically keeping my head above the water line, with it occasionally bobbing underneath. That’s about as good as I can describe at the moment. It’s frustrating, as in this economic climate, everyone should be performing as well as they can do – and I don’t feel that I am. This in turn makes me worried about my job security – which is probably adding to my stress about my job. Bloody catch 22 situation. Anyone got any answers about how to re-find one’s mojo?
So, because my dear wife cares for me a great deal, she’s advised that I go to the doctors to talk about stuff. I’ve talked about feeling stressed, under pressure and not being able to “wake up” despite sleeping a lot. I’ve ended up being summoned for blood tests and now I’ve just got to wait for the results, which I should get next week.
On top of all that, I had the LIMS exhibition to attend in London. This is the London Internation Music Show in Excel. I actually really enjoy exhibitions as it’s a great time to get together with colleagues that I don’t normally get to see very often. Yes, they’re a little stressful, but they’re good fun in the main. This show was going to be extra important as we were hosting the world launch of the S90XS and S70XS performance synths on the Wednesday… here’s where my stressful June continued in earnest…
I travelled down to London on the Wednesday afternoon, through central London in the middle of a tube strike. It took me bloody ages. Eventually I arrived at The Tower hotel next to Tower Bridge and checked in to my room. I had just unpacked, got ready and raring to go for the evening. I nipped out for a quick cigarette before my dealers started arriving… Sal rang. That was unusual as she never really rings whilst I’m at work. It was then that I heard her mention the dreaded words that we’d been burgled.
Shit.
I jumped straight back in the car and headed back through a heavilly congested central London back home. I was incredibly worried about Sal. I needed to get back and check that she was ok. With the help and support of our amazing friends… (name checks… Steph, James, Gemma, Matt, an absolutely fantastic Mike, Steve, Nic, Stu and Kelly) Sal was ok when I got home and Jo and Sal were cleaning and putting things back together again.
They nicked the usual stuff. Camcorders, cameras, Wii, Wii games, DS, DS games, laptop, it was annoying as hell. They threw a huge rock through the window of our back door and then ran around the house. They tore my office apart looking for my beloved Mac, along with a real mess of the spare room. Fortunately, they only took the quick sellable electricals, but nothing else of any note. It was just the frustration really.
Well, here I am. It’s the 17th June. A lot has happened. I’m still only half way through the month. I’ve now got zero money due to having to pay for burgular alarms, repairs, insurance excess etc. It’s not helped my motivation to do anything. It’s not helped my stress levels etc. Married life was supposed to have a honeymoon period wasn’t it? Was married life supposed to be sweet?
After all the fun of the wedding and the fact that I’ve pretty much loved every second of my working life up until now… I’m in a dark place at the moment. I actually sat in a coffee shop in LIMS with my head in my hands wondering what it would be like if I wasn’t around anymore. I am grateful for my friends and my life really. I am married to the most amazing woman. I just worry that I am not being able to provide everything that I would like to provide for her and what I promised her in my wedding speech. I promised her a life of love, happiness, fulfillment… not a life of depression, arguments and stress. I want to break this vicious cycle in which I’ve found myself, but I’m really not sure how.
June 2009 is a month that I really will be happy to see the back of. This has not been a happy month. I’m just grateful for an amazing wife and an amazing bunch of friends.
